Frustrated

"All I wanted was you."

- Paramore (All I Wanted, 2009)

     A pleasant stormy day everyone. Again, my heart is not stable. I've been feeling this in the past week or so. This week has been a roller coaster ride for me. Without further ado, let's get this started.

    I really feel it. I feel that my heart and mind are super exhausted. I always feel lonely. I feel that people outside my family really don't want to talk to me anymore. I know they are busy at something but, sometimes, my timing is not always right. I know some of my friends either do household chores, or module or playing some mobile games. 

    Do you have some problems with me that you don't want to say? Please, say it to me. I am used to be scolded or be disgraced. I think my problem is I am super importunate or "makulit" in Filipino. I want people to always talk to me so, I will send 10-15 hi's every day to the fact that people became annoyed with my antics. And when they are annoyed at me, they will start not talking to me, until the time where they have a need that I could answer. Another problem for me is I am too attached to my friends or even not my friends. Even if they only talked to me seldomly, I will always treat them that they are my longtime friends. I am really afraid that people will leave me and I will be lonely forever. I think it really shows that I am still not mature. I am really frustrated with myself because of my traits like that. I think I could contribute it to the fact that I am fragile.

    I really think that I should need to take a well deserved social media break, but I can't. I can't do that because the only way that I can contact my friends and my teachers is through social media. I also don't want my teachers to hate me because of that. Some of them (not all of them but SOME of them. Understand?) will be angry if you can't react to their post in Messenger or you can't attend to meeting and consultation at Google Meet. 

    I think that's it. I think that all of us have some frustration with ourselves because of some bad traits that we have. I wish that we, all of us will grow better as time will pass by.

You're Friend,

Ramueeeeeeeeeeel