Confused

     A pleasant, stormy day to everyone who is reading this essay. Today, you will read all about what my relationship with my crush. I will not get this longer so, let's get this started.

    I've started online class last October 12, just like her. But the difference is I have modules to work with and she has none because the fact that she is working in Bulacan so she is on online class, unlike me and my other classmates who is on so called blended learning because we mixed online and modular learning. So one night, I asked her hows her student life going. She said that she has difficulties in Practical Research 2 (well, I'm not shocked about that because the only things we've learned about Practical Research 1 is we are late and the hand gestures of our teacher) because she just started week 1, but it's week 2. So what I've do, I translate the ideas of that week 1 to Filipino so she could understand it (I think that is one of the best things that I have done to a girl, unlike what I've done when I was Grade 10). I think she really like it and after that, I said that I would still awake late so she could learn a subject that she find difficult. She is thankful about that so, what I've told her, I share it to my friends. They we're amazed of what I've done, one of my homie is in fact jealous (don't be angry to me my friend). I was amazed of how they reacted about that. Then I ask day to day if she is okay or if she has difficulties on other subjects (I helped her find the right module for Contemporary Philippine Arts of the Region {CPAR for short}). She sometimes answer, she sometimes "seen" but, she always don't answer. It somewhat, someway, somehow became my problem to her. I said to my jealous friend, so long story short, he thinks that I was used by that girl and she want me to not answer her but I said that I try but don't hope at me because I can't do it because I LOVE HER.

    I think there are some reasons why even if she is active on Messenger, one is her work. As I mention earlier, she is working in Bulacan. She is a babysitter. Her time of work is from morning to afternoon (unless, that baby wakes up middle of the night crying because of wee-wee). She is always busy (the fact that my mother has difficulties caring a super duper young me, who is always running fast makes me understand her). I will commend her working for her family, even if she is young (and beautiful) and she is working on a far place like Bulacan (I still don't ask her if she has home sickness). Number two is I think she is confused of our relationship. I think, even if she don't say it, she is asking to herself if why in the earth I do it to her, even if we are still friends. I think she also knows the answer of that question. I also think that the both of us are confused if we could meet again. I asked her if she will go back if the school will open again, and she said "no". I'm sad but you know she has a job to do and what is my right to miss her and to be sad because she is not sure if she will go back, I am only her friend, not a significant other. In my side of things I have a fear that we will never see each other again and I am only a friend but I treat and love her just like she is my girlfriend. I don't know. This is really the first time in my life that I have a close friend that has no certainty if we could meet again.

    My wish is if the school will be open again I wish she will go back. And I think I will be exaggerated to welcome her back to Tagaytay.

Your Lovely Friend,

Ramueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel